You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
