chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
