Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
