I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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