Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
