Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
