i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
