My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
