I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
