He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
