office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
