i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
