So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
