dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
