take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
