got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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