he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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