What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
