dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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