Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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