..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
