I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
smell my finger.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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