u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
