She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
They are going to name an STD after you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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