Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
