Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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