So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
