just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
