she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
