i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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