Plan B is the new Plan A
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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