I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
