Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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