Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
