Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
