It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
