Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
