Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
