i just google imaged poop.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
