Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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