You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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