What did we do last night that was yellow?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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