Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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