I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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