all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
