My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
