I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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