it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
