***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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