i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We have started to decorate penises.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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