I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
