just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
