omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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