filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
