Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
