I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
