She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
