I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
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