there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
