Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize