well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
