You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
