I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
