I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
