She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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