If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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