Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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