The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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