when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
