One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
