apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
