Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
