i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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