Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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