is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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